“I am the designer of my own catastrophy”

July 16 will be my last day at Amazing Charts, where I’ve spent the last 3.5 years of my life.

In large part, I’ve been happy at Amazing Charts.  I make good money, i have healthcare, my bosses are wonderful, the flexible vacation policies give me enough (though is there every really enough) time off.

And yet. I’m leaving.

Some days, it’s hard to explain why I’m leaving. Some days it seems foolish. Other days it seems brave. It’s always scary.

So why do it? Firstly, I want the time to work hard on my writing, to try to see what I can make of myself. I also want to see if there are other jobs out there that have the same benefits but that I’m also passionate about. I want to explore, to search myself, to see if there are other places — other niches — that I fit into. Aside from loans and bills (which are not insignificant), I have nothing holding me back, no responsibilities requiring me to stay at home, and that wont always be true. This is the perfect time to take this kind of leap, whatever it leads to.

Nevertheless, I knew myself well enough to know that even after I quit my job, I’d want to stay. I’d have days where my panic would overwhelm me and I’d want to walk right back into my boss’s office and say “Know what?! I changed my mind!”.

My clever way of handling this instinct was to plan a number of trips and event for the time right after my last day so that even if i wanted to stay, or thought I wanted to stay, I couldn’t. So, come July 16, I’ll be leaving Amazing Charts and I’ll be embarking on a pretty exciting and terrifying adventure that will span July 24 to September 19.

  1. I’ll be (finally) attending a 5-day Wilderness First Responder course, learning all about how to handle medical emergencies in the wilderness. Which will be right in time for my…
  2. …trip to Tanzania, where for a week I’ll be hiking (or attempting to hike) Mt. Kilimanjaro.
  3. Then I’ll head to Scotland for three weeks to travel around that magical country, with very quick layover stops in Amsterdam and Paris.
  4. After that, I’ll be coming home to the states and heading almost directly to a 10-day silent meditation course.
  5. And then ill be back, the adventures will be over and I’ll start on a new one: writing…and whatever else I want!

So, on days when panic overwhelms me, when this decision seems unbelievably dumb, when I worry about money and bills and healthcare, and question my ability to write anything good ever, and doubt my ability to ever find any other job, and eventually end up imagining myself destitute and homeless under a mountain of loans, I take a deep breath and remember that this is my time. This is the time. And sure, it may not work out. But I’m gonna try anyway.

And when that doesn’t work, I do google searches to find some inspiration :) All the images below were taken from pinterest.)

alwaysgot chances damn short passion selfimposed stubborn toughcatastrophy

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